Swimming

Just moments ago
I was
On the rocks,
Poised to dive in
And still doubting,
After so much time, such a long stretch of time – it seemed to last forever almost, almost until I
died really, maybe it was even longer than that, which seems impossible –
So much time spent testing the
Water with an outstretched toe,
Trembling in fear for my life,
Trembling in fear of living
Like
A tortured Goldilocks
(‘What if it’s too hot? What if it’s too cold?’)

And who can say if that time was wasted?

Just pick up one shell, just one among endless sea-smoothed pebbles,
And hold it to your ear.
Can you hear the sea’s voice?
Speaking without words, with whispers which are gravelly, and laughs, and long, drawn-out sighs, wave after wave, the story of everything, an invisible tapestry, weaving and waving,
Crashing against the shore of your mind,
Crashing and caressing the rocks
Which stand still
Still eroding.

Perhaps every decision is a million years in the making –
A slab of stone that melted.
So, as I swim now,
Hearing the ecstatic shriek of gulls wheeling overhead,
Held by clouds and air,
Perhaps there is no need for regret.

I am swimming, swimming, swimming,
Into the ocean’s arms.